Saturday, January 05, 2008
it had only been 3 days and i already want to throw in the white towel to surrender. it's so damn tiring that you are not even leading a LIFE. it's more of like a routine or you're more of like a robot. every single time you hear that it's econs you'll have to think of the fastest way to run for her lessons. every single time when it's nearing her lesson you'll reveal a face of fear that you'll lose all concentration in ANY lesson before and start packing. people who dont take H2 econs just love to watch us run for our lives. it's a sick mentality but i guess they'll never understand. last year we were all told about the fearsome monster and now we're experiencing it. she made my life so colorful and wonderful that i want to die. even if i lost my memory and forgot all my teachers, i'll never forget her. i am NOT exaggerating for you can ask anyone in school about her. humiliation is at it's best here. i'll develop immunity by next week so that no amount of scolding will affect me and traumatise me like this week did.
apparently we're all separated for math class. this is like a direct discrimination. we were all grouped and trust me, we were grouped according to our promotion results. this is like directly telling me that 'HEY THEY HAVE HOPE TO PASS H1 MATH SO DONT BE GROUPED TOGETHER WITH THEM SO THAT YOU DONT SPREAD YOUR VIRUS OF FAILING TO THEM'. how nice. i really feel that there's this class difference. i'm obviously at the bottom groups so that just proved that i'm lousy at it and that i should not affect people who's in the first 2 groups. how nice can the school get?! you put a group of lousy people together, we'll just end up being lousy together. you put the smarter ones together you'll receive hope. people like maurice who topped H1 math last year should be in a different class from us because he's going to Ace it and the tutor will make sure he does. what about us?! does it mean we dont deserve that kind of treatment and hope? they send good teachers to teach the better classes and outrightly disgustingly throw us aside so that we can just forget about even PASSING math?! their hopes is to ACE it and ours is just to pass it? if we are in the same class, at least we can have different people of different marks together to motivate each other. this is so disgusting and i swear it sucks. discrimination at its best indeed. fuck.
history wasnt that bad for we have empathy from Mrs Low and i am grateful for that really. she's so scary last year but she turns out to be nicer this year. perhaps being a history rep. for her seems to be a better choice than being an econs rep like Feng. she has no choice and i absolutely hope that that scary monster dont give her hell. history lessons seems like attending bible studies for we went all the way to B.C. period. religious fundamentalism is SO confusing and NOT easy to study. all those names that i can hardly remember. -.-
life is as bad as it can get at the moment. went for Mannalife yesterday and Pastor told us a lot of things that set me to think. it makes me wonder where i stand right now and am i going to grow at the rate that school's killing me? i dont know. it takes time and i think i need plenty. i am guilty of not reading the bible daily and i guess i'm too occupied with thoughts of sleeping and doing homework. from this point onwards homework's just going to start piling up like crazy and we'll have block tests next week. i have yet to really start and i know i'm sure to attend SSP. however, i do hope that i can avoid SSP as much as possible by passing my subjects. school makes life meaningless and apparently at this stage it's going to matter a lot more. i dont really understand why Cheng En can have this optimistic mentality that even if he screwed up his A's, it doesnt really matter to him anymore for he's sure that God has something better for him. if i were him and i screw up my A's, i'll probably end my life instead of thinking that God has something better for me. i take exams seriously and i wont fool around with my A cert. it doesnt worth a lot and it's definitely not as worthy as a Poly diploma and even an ITE cert. i wonder why am i still sticking to this path and not choosing to go to a Poly like what scary monster said. i just want to complete it with good results and not screwing it up. nothing else is more important than that now. if i can be like Cheng En, so optimistic and all, perhaps i'll start to screw up my A's now. i'm sure God wants me to put in as much hard work as i can for my A's. i shall try harder to live a life of a robot.
just after 3 days and i want to go back to J1. i feel that i'm NOT ready for As. however, if i go back to J1 this year, i'll still have to get promoted and go to J2 and experience shit for the second time. this isnt worth it at all.
i have tonnes of homework to do and essays to write and i still have to go celebrate Angeline's birthday later. however, watching a movie with JUDE LAW inside made everything worth it. even if i want to end off my life as of this instant, i would want to watch Jude Law for one last time. okay that sounds utterly stupid. obviously my wish is not going to happen for i have A's this year right. yeah yeah. results are going to be out real soon this year and God bless my kids! hope they'll do well and that they'll choose to go to a Poly because i dont think they'll like the stressful JC lifestyle and even if they are smart, be one of those who spoil the Poly market by going to a Poly. period.
XUAN PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY YOU WANT ME TO TAKE MY PAY BEFORE YOU GET A JOB. i wanted to date you out next week but i have blocks. unless you want to study with me, i dont mind but you would. you can wait till after 14 Jan. i have holidays before school officially start again.
i realised i have my pay deducted for CPF. -.- that's dumb for i think that 30plus dollars is going to make a difference with birthdays coming. they even sent me a letter to welcome me on board or something. stupid.
shall go watch my sappy korea drama. that's what Saturdays are for. dont even feel like having lunch though i'm damn hungry. havent had a really good appetite since last year. fuck. when will i ever resume my good appetite? -.-
fuck school. fuck life. fuck everything.
